I am without a number for the past few days. Number porting can turn you real nostalgic. No number is equal to no quick talks with friends. So now when I meet them, they have lots to tell. Erica, my gym mate turned friend was really upset yesterday and wanted to talk to me asap. Someone upset on Sunday can mean the problem is serious.
I messaged her on facebook to come over and the first thing after sending my husband to work was sitting with her. “Am I not a good Human being?”She bursted into tears.
I wondered what made her so helpless and doubtful about her goodness. And I always believed the only thing that can break you is what has made you. For me its the people I love . And today I realized, Erica has similar choices. One of her Siblings was upto something and Erica alerted her parents to make sure things are looked after. And today, her family blames her for everything that has ever happened. Would not write much about the incident but what led Erica to be the Villain has to be discussed. Loving and spoiling are two different things but are often taken as synonyms in many households. There are many Sons and daughters who have grown old enough to reproduce but are still treated as a crib confined baby. And what is mischief in childhood can turn into mistakes as you grow. Forgiving is a Godly quality but forgiving someone who is not even sorry is foolishness. And there are families where one is always forgiven and another is always tested. Blaming the quieter is easier than correcting the nastier.
Is Erica really responsible for the decisions made by her adult sibling?
Is anyone of us to be blamed for what happens to someone who doesn’t want to take our suggestions?
Being protective for your family and loving them unconditionally is the best thing that can happen to you. Lucky are the families that have a member who binds everyone. But quite more than often, this care and love is taken for granted. When people know you will always be there, they won’t even peek to check on your well being. And you are standing their, like a pillar, strong and tall, ready to face all the hardships before it even reaches your people. You do all this without expecting anything. But you get returns in thankless statements and threats to be disowned. Should you be scared of losing someone who doesn’t even respect your existence? Or should they be concerned of missing a daughter, son, sister, brother (or any relation) who loved them immensely?
We have been taught since infanthood till we die that family is always right and parents can never be mean. But I have met people who have tears in their eyes and tiredness in their voice gifted by their families. So, if I have a loving family I would not define Family as loving. I might be lucky with the gene equation but not everyone is.
Don’t do this to yourself. No relation is worth keeping if it is not two sided. Love, respect, care, you name it and everything has to be two sided. The intensity can vary but the element should be present. It is painful an acceptance that family can be mean, but it is true for some. And the sooner you realise where you stand with people you love, the better it is for your health. Stress is the root of many diseases after all and you don’t want to fall sick for being good.
People will always have something to talk about. So I do not even consider “what will people say” emotion while making any decision. Society pressure is more lethal than a high or low Blood pressure . It won’t be wrong to say that the former can cause the latter.
I cannot advise but if I am ever in a situation where my family is not one straight out of community living book, I will take it easy. I would rather spend that love and energy on people who truly care. Ups and downs are a part and parcel of life but if you are always on the downs while trying to keep your loved ones up, it is time to re evaluate and rethink! I hope everyone out there is listening….